Spilluminati: The Deep State

At last—a coffee table that blends seamlessly into your home while quietly serving... other purposes. With its unassuming wooden frame and tempered glass top, The Deep State is the perfect surface for both your morning coffee and your midnight "research" sessions.

Key Features (Public-Facing Documentation):

•  39.3" x 19.6" Tempered Glass Top – Shatterproof, waterproof, and suspiciously reflective
  
•  Sturdy Wooden Frame – Supports up to 66 lbs (or one very heavy secret)
  
•  Smooth-Glide Drawer – For remotes, magazines, and other essentials
  
•  Minimalist Modern Design – Because the best cover is plain sight

What the Manual Doesn’t Mention:

•  The Glass Doesn’t Fog – Even under hot mugs or… heated discussions.
  
•  The Drawer Glides Are Too Smooth – Almost as if they’ve been… lubricated for quick access.
  
•  The Weight Limit Is Suspiciously Precise – Coincidentally matching standard document storage requirements.
  
•  The Wood Grain Forms Strange Patterns – Under UV light, some claim to see… coordinates.

Why This Isn’t Just a Coffee Table:

• The tempered glass top just happens to block certain RF frequencies.

• The wooden frame is treated with a proprietary stain-resistant coating (or is it?).

• The drawer dimensions perfectly fit a standard burner phone.

Warning:

May attract:

•  Unmarked vans outside your home
  
•  Your neighbor’s sudden interest in "interior design"
  
•  Your cat’s unexplained obsession with the drawer

Included:

☑ 1 Deep State Coffee Table (assembly required)
☑ 1 Allen wrench (standard issue)
☑ 1 Instruction manual (some pages appear redacted)